(NEE-HA! was a weekly newsletter for fans of Late Night With Conan O’Brien)
THE A-Z OF AMY POEHLER
December 1997
Way back in Neeha Issue #6 Amy Poehler, who plays Andy’s sister Stacy on Late Night was good enough to take time out of her Christmas vacation to answer a few questions for NEE-HA!
A ‘Annoyed’ - what really bugs you?
That woman who had seven babies bugs the hell out of me. So do successful Scientologists. Also, I am annoyed by noise and people urinating on me, but in New York that just comes with the territory.B ‘Beauty’ - what do you think of your looks?
Oh please. That’s why I’m a comedian. The stupider I look the more comfortable I am. Is “stupider” a word? Me thinks it is.C “Career” - what’s the worst job you ever had?
Once I had to cater a party at D’Arcy’s wedding (blond woman from Smashing Pumpkins) You’d think it would’ve been cool, but everyone kept calling me “cater lady” and spilling drinks on my head. I did get high with James Iha though.D “Dream Date”
My honey Matt (Besser) and a case of ripple.E “Embarrassed” what was your most embarrassing moment?
One time when I was on Conan, Green Day was on and they were laughing at the fact that I couldn’t play the guitar. That was kind of embarrassing, but they were nice so, I guess it’s not that embarrassing.F “Funny” - who makes you laugh?
Janeane Garofalo makes me laugh, The Larry Sanders Show, Mr. Show with Bob and David, The Simpsons, King of the Hill, MST3K on occasion, Kids in the Hall used to, Monty Python always does. There are a ton of hilarious people here in New York that I think are really funny. Oh, and of course, Late Night.G “Goals” what are your goals?
To rock out with my cock out in “98”H “Heroes”
Gilda Radner, Judy Davis, Lili Taylor, Janeane, Woody, Lenny Bruce, Fanny Brice, Holly Hunter, Billie Holiday, My Parents of course, John Irving, Allen Ginsberg, Iggy Pop, Eleanor Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman, Pat Benetar, and anyone who helps me move.I “Improvisation”
My favorite thing is to improvise with the most talented people in the world, which I get to do every Sunday.J “Jokers” - who’s the biggest you’ve come up against?
I’m gonna pass right now on that one..K “Krunk” - what do you say when you’re mad?
Is that Krunk person another Conan fan as well? I think I’ve seen his/her stuff on the web. When I am angry I usually say “For the love of Ida, stop pissing on me you stupid asshole.” Or something like that.L “Late Night” - how did you get the part of Stacy?
I got the part of Stacy because Mr. Richter and his wife found me at a carnival cleaning up after elephants and so they hired me as an assistant cigarette butt picker upper. The rest is history. I think the show rocks and it has the best writing on late night TV.M “Music” - who do you listen to?
I bought an Amy Rigby CD and I thought it sucked.N “Nicknames” - do you have one?
Um, when I was in high school it was “Polar Bear” ( Pretty original, huh) Now everybody just calls me “that crazy woman.”O “Of all my decisions what was the best?”
My decision to get my doggie Suki. I have a four year old yellow lab who is lying at my feet and farting happily.P “Proudest Moment”
Any time I don’t fart, I feel proud. (I’m getting to be a bit of a wiseacre on these questions, but my vision is starting to blur and I’m afraid of intimacy…)Q “Quotes”
I once called Fiona Apple Fiona “Crapple.”R “Rituals”
I always tap my soda can before I drink it. I also like to beat myself about the face before I perform.S “Spice Girls” - which one would you be?
Sporty - there is no need to explain. Just being able to wear pants is enough.T ‘“Time Out”
Vacation? What is that? I like to visit my friends in Los Angeles, but I can’t think too much about that crazy word ‘vacation’ or my head starts to hurt. Ow…why must you bring up vaca…ow….U “Unwinding”
To relax I play videos of myself on Conan and pause it every time I didn’t get a laugh. Then I play hardcore music really loud, start a grease fire on my stove and do a couple intense hatha yoga poses. Works every time.V “Vices”
Um I smoke some substances. I swear in front of churches sometimes. I screen my calls. I floss only occasionally. I kill small French children if they smile at me… little things like that.W” Wish”
I would wish that I could have better vices.X’ “Xfile” - tell us something no one knows about you.
By the way, I love the X-Files. Scully rocks, and Mulder is kick ass. Anyway, one thing no one knows about me is that I really like French people, it’s just the children part that I hate.Y “You know someone is about to pull a prank - would you tell the victim?”
Only if that victim were Hitler and there was a way I could save the world from the Holocaust being born, then I would kill myself but before that I would tell the person about the prank…..wait, what?Z “Zzzzz” - what bores you?
What bores me? Talking about myself. Oh my god Linzi, I’m sure this is boring you to death. I might have gotten carried away, but I just started typing and the next thing ya know…..__
Allz I have to say is, FOR THE LOVE OF IDA, STOP PISSING ON ME YOU STUPID ASSHOLE.